About Me

While you were busy "grinding," "hustling," and "networking," I was busy perfecting the art of converting oxygen into debt. I haven't worn pants with a zipper since the early 2010s, and my skin is so pale that I am legally classified as a light source in three galactic sectors.

MY QUALIFICATIONS:

Why should you listen to a guy who looks like a dehydrated Victorian ghost?

CEO of Zero-Effort Industries: A holding company that technically doesn't exist to avoid filing paperwork.
PhD in Horizontal Economics: Awarded by the University of My Mattress (accredited in Dimension X-4).
Survivor: I once slept for 18 hours straight and woke up richer because I accidentally mined crypto using my brainwaves.

MY PHILOSOPHY:

Society tells you to "seize the day." That sounds exhausting. I believe you should "hit snooze on the fabric of reality."

The universe is infinite, which means there is an infinite amount of money floating around waiting to be grabbed by someone with a portal gun and zero moral compass. I am that someone. And now, for the low price of my book, you can be that someone too (minus the portal gun, those are expensive).

FAQ:

"Are you a real person?"

Barely. I am mostly caffeine and sarcasm held together by a bathrobe.

"Is this legal?"

In this dimension? It's a gray area. In the Nebula of Chaos? I'm a saint.

"Can I contact you?"

No. That involves typing. Just buy the book.